Having trouble getting the results you want? Things just aren’t working for you?
One of my favorite principles is to focus on what you want vs. what you don’t want. This is a powerful mindset in attracting and getting what you want. For today, let’s look at this as it applies to relationships. This can apply to any relationship – at work or home.
It’s the nature of interactions with other people, especially those with whom we spend more time, that certain things can become an annoyance or a disappointment. You’re not getting the desired “result” from this person. Sometimes they just don’t do what you want them to do, in the way you want it done. This is often more pronounced or impactful in relationships where there is more “at stake” such as your boss, your direct report, your significant other, your children, etc. Yet this applies to any situation, such as interactions in restaurants, stores, the bank, etc.
What often happens in this situation is we complain, criticize, judge or blame when we don’t get what we want. We make them “wrong” and sometimes we’re resentful towards them for “disappointing” us. Let’s reflect on this and note that this is focusing on what you don’t want, not what you do want. This usually produces more of the behavior or result you don’t want.
So how do you get the results you DO want?
ASK! Really. Yes, ask or request what you want. Get in the habit of doing this BEFORE the event rather than after. Be clear about what you want and what your expectations are. Be more assertive in asking up front instead of complaining and feeling resentful on the back end. Own your right to have what you want or need. You can also ask, “What do you need from me so I can help you give me what I want?” Ponder this.
To further increase the likelihood of getting the results you want, acknowledge the desired behavior when it occurs. This helps the person know that they’ve delivered on what you want. People want to help you get what you want.
Approach all of this from your heart, with love and “savvy”. Know what you want, focus on it, ask for it, and be excited and happy when you get it!