Success Strategy: Responsibility vs. Blame

Have you ever blamed someone else for what’s going wrong in your life?  Here’s a thought, maybe you have but you don’t even realize it.  Have you ever said, “If only…” or “Yes, but….”?  Have you felt like a victim to circumstances?  These are clues that you may be blaming someone or something else for what’s going on in your life.

Let’s take a look at this and how it may be affecting your life and your success.  Once I didn’t get the promotion I wanted.  I was very upset with my boss and while I didn’t realize it, I was blaming her. She didn’t recognize this or that about me, etc.   And I was carrying around the negative emotions that go with it.  Poor me.

Fortunately, I happened to read a book, How to Get What You Want and Want  What You Have by John Gray, where he talked about twelve blocks to success.  One of the blocks was BLAME.  All of a sudden, the light went on for me.  The process of blaming my boss for my lack of happiness and success was preventing me for taking responsibility for my life.  He said, “When you make others or circumstances beyond your control responsible for how you feel about your past, present, or future, you are unable to create the changes you want.  As long as someone else is responsible for how you feel, you forfeit the power to change your life.” 

In reading this, I realized that as long as I was blaming my boss for my lack of success, I was holding on to a belief that I couldn’t create what I wanted because of her!  In essence, she was in charge of my destiny at work. I was giving up my power.  Wow.  That was like pouring a bucket of cold water over my head.  Enough of that!   I wanted my power back.  I realized I needed to take responsibility for me. 

In taking responsibility for yourself, you gain the power within to heal and let go of the pain. We need to move on and bless the person or circumstance.  Forgiveness is letting go of the tendency to hold others responsible for our plight in this world. When people feel powerless to get what they need, they get stuck in blame.  It’s easy to be a victim. 

This is something that seems obvious when you hear it but not so obvious while you’re in the muck of it. This is what’s powerful about having a coach.  Someone outside your situation and “story” about the situation can help you see things differently.  When you stop blaming, forgive and take responsibility for yourself, your power to create and be successful will grow.  If you realize you are stuck and need some coaching, contact me at  At Unshackled Leadership coaching, we help leaders get “unstuck” so they can get their businesses “unstuck” and realize the success they want and deserve.  For more information, go to our website

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