In my last blog post, in discussing my recent health challenges, I was happy to report that I had gotten to the bottom of the source of the stress in my life, had dealt with it, and I have been feeling better and better, happier and happier and stronger and stronger every day since. I even went public with the source of the stress, what was going on with me at home.
I ended the post by encouraging you to not step over whatever is going on at home that is robbing you of your peace and joy. You cannot be as effective as you would like to be if you don’t have an energy that is consistent with success. Do not run away from it, confront it in as loving and compassionate a way as you can, but do confront it. If you don’t, it will impact your life and work in ways you can’t imagine. It probably already is.
I have received dozens and dozens of emails in response to my post, people offering their support on the one hand and thanking me for the wakeup call on the other hand. And given the fact that for everyone who took the time to respond and write there is likely a hundred more that also received a wakeup call but did not feel it necessary to respond, there are lots of you out there that are struggling in some way.
For all of you, we have discovered that in the vast percentage of cases where people get in trouble at home, it is because they have gone down the path we call The Circle of Destruction. Specifically, we all enter relationships with expectations and intentions. Since it is extremely unlikely that anyone will ever fully live up to those, we inevitably end up with unfulfilled expectations and/or thwarted intentions, leaving us disappointed. The problem arises when we don’t communicate those disappointments to our partner.
Instead, we file those disappointments away in the great file cabinet of our minds which operates like fly paper, anxious to find additional disappointments to add to the file. As the file gets bigger and bigger, the openness, intimacy and trust which marked the beginning of the relationship slowly diminishes. When we get to the point where the file is so big we can’t even see the other person through the haze, that’s when you discover the source of the phrase: all hell breaks loose.
What’s the obvious solution? Learn to communicate everything to your partner. As I said above, don’t step over anything. The challenge is that we have never learned to communicate in a non-threatening way and we surely haven’t learned to listen in a way that makes it safe for our partner to communicate to us. To learn all of this, I have an offer: Just go to: http://www.unshackledleadership.com/products/ and purchase the audio CD: Yes, We Have to Work Together, But Does it Have to be So Painful? While the CD was recorded focusing on relationships at work, it applies equally if not more so to relationships at home.
In exchange for your email address, I will mail you a copy of the CD and immediately refund the full purchase price so the CD is essentially free. I hope this is an offer that you can’t refuse. I promise, the information on the CD is life and relationship changing.