I was talking the other day with someone who is writing a book about relationships, after many years of counseling individuals in business and couples on the subject, and what she wanted to do to create a new career based on the book and its contents. What was most interesting to me was, given what is probably hundreds of books on the subject, someone is writing another. It just goes to show what a huge subject relationships are.
And for good reason. I hardly know anyone who doesn’t struggle to some degree with the subject. I was acknowledging a neighbor the other day about him being married for 35+ years and after he thanked me, his comment was: it wasn’t always a bed of roses.
So I thought I would just jump right into the subject and offer a few insights I’ve had over the years about relationships. I’m going to keep most of these short and sweet to give you lots of opportunity to think about my assertions before I hit you with another one. Here’s a good one to get the ball rolling.
Anger is never ever appropriate if you want to have a quality relationship with anyone in your life! Given how frequently and consistently you have probably violated that one, I’m sure you want to know my rationale, so here it is: When you get angry, it is always because you perceive an attack coming your way and you feel the only way to defend yourself is to attack back. Someone cuts you off and you feel threatened and you want to attack back. Someone says something to you that either you don’t like or don’t agree with and you feel attacked and attack back.
The simple explanation is that in the world of the ego, you are alone in an unfriendly universe and everyone outside of you is separate and the enemy. I know that sounds bizarre but that’s exactly what the ego has you believe. So it follows quite logically that another’s behavior would occur for you as threatening and an attack, justifying your angry response.
Here’s the problem and the basis of my assertion. If you ever respond to another in anger, they too will surely feel attacked and likely respond back to you in anger. You’ve seen this happen hundreds of times and the result is never pretty. Anger is damaging. It hurts. And if you respond in anger to a loved one or anyone you care about, you will surely damage the relationship. So here’s your thought for the week:
Anger is never ever appropriate if you want to have a quality relationship with anyone in your life!