Continuing with the post I started two weeks ago, I said at that time that the more I study and understand the nature of life and business, the more I become convinced that the “formula” for having an amazing life and a truly successful business is really quite simple: Totally release the past, let go of all attachments and judgments, forgive everyone for everything, including yourself, be grateful for everything, and focus only on being peaceful. Pretty simple, wouldn’t you agree?
But the problem is obvious: hardly any of us do any of those things. Wouldn’t you agree with that too? So let’s continue to dig into this a bit deeper so you can understand why this is a sure-fire formula for happiness and success and why it seems so difficult to implement.
Let go of your judgments!
Let’s first analyze what a “judgment” is. As a human being, we’re always observing others, not only about who they are but also everything about them. Someone comes to work with a new suit or dress on and we observe the suit or dress. Someone walks down the hall and we observe the manner in which they walk. Someone speaks to us and we observe how they speak and our reactions to what they say. These are all simply observations, we really can’t stop observing and there’s no inherent harm in doing so.
A judgment occurs when we attach an opinion or a story to our observations. So, someone comes to work with a new suit or dress and we formulate an opinion that they look great or that they look lousy, or silly, or ugly. Or we do the same when someone shows up with a new hairdo or even a new car. These are somewhat harmless but, as you will see, not very useful.
The real problem arises when we start judging who people are and how they behave. When we do this, we tend to label people. He’s lazy, she can’t be counted on, he’s not a team player, she’s nasty, he has no people skills, watch out for her, he’s no fun to work with, she’s negative, he’s sloppy. Do you notice how all of those judgments are negative? And the fact of the matter is that most are. There are so many problems with these kinds of judgments and we mostly do it all the time.
Remember, the goal is to have an amazing life and a successful business. When you go around judging people, there are at least two negative effects. First, there is no way you can be happy when you do that. You might think you get to be happy when you put another down but it isn’t so. Secondly, you automatically drive a wedge between yourself and the other person and the possibility of a quality relationship goes out the window. And, you can’t have an amazing life without having amazing relationships.
Here’s the worst part of all. When you judge, you literally turn yourself into a judge. You accuse a person, you prosecute them, you deny them a defense and then you pronounce them guilty of whatever you decided. Think about it. What gives you the right to judge another human being? How would you feel if everyone around you was accusing and judging you? (By the way, you are and they are.)
It’s nasty business. We don’t think much about the consequences of our judgments but I invite you to do so. If you want to have an amazing life, what is required is that you become a kind, loving, compassionate and patient human being. Isn’t that really what you want? The pathway to becoming that requires you to give up your judgments. And here’s the best news of all: if you do this, you’ll really like yourself a lot more and others will too!
The heart of our work in organizations is to teach people how to do this and build high performance teams. If you can see the need for this in your organization, please give us a call for a free consult.